Brick
by therisingharvestmoon
Summary: Carlisle finds his singer, a sad, lonely teenager. Will his compassion be enough to save her? C/OC.
1. Forks

**DISCLAIMER - **I don't own Stephanie Meyer's creations. She owns Twilight. And Edward Cullen. And the universe!

**a/n - **I do however, own this little concept of an AU fic. I'm undecided whether this is pre or post Bella, so I decided to leave her out of this completely. Edward is perhaps courting her, but neither really impact to severely relationship wise as this is a Carlisle/OC fic. I adore the pairing Carlisle/Esme, but I wanted something original... (sighs...) which I'm known for.

I don't want her to seem a Mary Sue because of the... well, drasticness of this, but I would say it would have to be something drastic to turn him away from his lovely wife. Well, you'll see. Oh and it's from first person the whole time, because I'm used to how the series is written. Oh and the SONG **_Brick _**this is based of is what I based it on, so if you look at the meaning if you get that interested.

Thanks. And please read.

_She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly  
Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere  
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly  
Brick - Ben Folds Five_

* * *

**Chapter One - Forks**_  
_

They told me after, that the pain would be most of what I remembered, and everything now would be an insufferable nightmare. They were right – my consciousness had slipped into the land of the undead, however when I awoke from my stiff, cold hospital bed and the events still trailed in my mind, echoes of a painful unending nightmare, which seemed to parallel eternity.

Then I met Dr Carlisle Cullen.

I knew at that point, that _they _at the Port Angeles Children's Orphanage couldn't really care less about me. Who else would send me in a taxi, unattended, to Forks and back? And in my condition, too. I made it perfectly clear what that was; too many nights in a row.

Another thing that measured my little worth to them was the fact they weren't sending me to see a shrink, or whatever it was I needed.

No – they were sending me for a physical examination to a doctor in Forks because the Port Angeles physician was away, and they seemed to trust this one. I thought the _real _reason for the concern was physical evidence at who got the blame…

I scoffed and looked at the weather – raining, no doubt about that. The thick green forest glided past slowly and the cab hummed its way down the twisting, thin road to possibly the gloomiest place inhibited in the Olympic Peninsula.

_And possibly the world. _I thought happily.

The lack of sunny weather here never bothered me being fostered out as a child, and even now it could hide the bruises from where they sent me before. My eyebrows pulled together and I subconsciously wrapped my arms around myself. _Never again. _I promised myself.

It was hard to think that I was becoming so antisocial after what happened. But a month after _it _happened, I couldn't possibly want to be near anyone anymore, really.

My cardboard box of a room in the orphanage would be heaven compared to risking it again. But I knew I couldn't stay there forever. They'd organize something for me once I turned sixteen anyway, but that wasn't the problem. It was _risking it_. I didn't want to, but it was going to happen sooner than I expected.

If I knew that when the cab pulled up in front of the hospital's main entrance, I probably would have ran. To me, this visit just involved the awkward and horrible process of relaying _it _again. I sighed, thanked the prepaid driver anyway, and went through the main entrance with my form.

It said -_ For Dr Cullen – _in rough handwriting by the patron. Sighing nervously at the prospect of another physical examination, I stepped up to the nurse's station, conscious of my greasy, lank hair, faded jeans and old _Smurfs _shirt. If I looked as terrible as I felt, I hoped he'd understand and leave me alone.

The nurse, a large round woman in a pinstripe blouse, looked up at me – then double checked to make sure I was real. She smiled warmly, but it did not reach her eyes.

'I'm Elisabetha.' She looked at me to make sure I wasn't kidding, or that I didn't have an official last name since the _incident. _Having no parental record made it a little difficult to change my name every different time I was fostered. I flushed a little and handed her the handwritten note of sorts.

After she confirmed I wasn't lying, she nodded to a few seats outside the waiting room.

'Wait there.' She said. 'Dr Cullen will see you shortly, he's just needing some time to set up the paperwork as the examination is part of the legal process, is that okay?' She asked lightly.

I nodded. Being touchy around the subject was perfectly fine with me. I relaxed against the seat – the hospital was clean, warm, but still had the organized military feel to it.

I concentrated on the poster on the wall. It brought a sickening feeling to my stomach and a hard lump in my throat; I knew I shouldn't have looked at it. I felt dizzy, like I was going to faint. More bad news isn't what I intended to get out of this examination, much less nearly sprawl unconsious onto the too clean floor in horror.

Lifting myself slowly off the chair, I walked to the wall and touched the poster, gulping. I tried to read the label, but it was too hard as the text was suddenly all blurred, and I would have fallen back and cracked my skull on the hard floor if a pair of incredibly strong arm's hadn't caught me.

Resisting being touch, I caught myself and whirled around.

_This _had _to me Dr Cullen. Who else would it be?_

He looked at me with worried eyes. 'Elisabetha?'

_My God, _I thought to myself, _he's got to be two years older than me, maybe less! _I had to admit, it took a lot to shock or impress me these days, and I was just that simply being in Dr Cullen's presence. I nodded fiercely.

'Yes. I... I'm sorry I was...' I looked over my shoulder at the poster and cringed, which I'm sure he didn't miss.

'Dizzy?' He offered in his smooth, velvet voice.

I nodded, grateful he had saved me the explanation in front of the eavesdropping nurses. He smiled warmly and my heart struggled profusely to beat.

'How about you come into my office? It's a little warmer than the clinic, and I think we'd both rather if we talked privately.'

I forced a smile at his genuine kindness. He placed his hand on the small of my back, and I hoped he didn't take offence when I quickened my pace to escape his touch. It was ironic that the women who worked hear would probably give their left arm to be in such close vicinity.

I wasn't reluctant taking a seat in his office. They were big, black leather and squashy. I guessed as he shut his computer down and got comfortable behind his desk that we were going to talk this through before any physical examination. That was probably a good idea.

Strangely, I wanted to tell everything to his velvet tones. Which probably wouldn't help as seeming eager is the last thing I _felt _like doing, but I didn't know. It was strange.

With a swift, gliding waltz, Dr Cullen stood, and crossed the room, pocketing something and going through a pile of papers until he found the right one. Sitting once more, he flashed a dazzling smile that would send my usual self melting into the floor. My eyes found the photo of his family and I tried not to show my shock at how young he was to have children.

'Are those all yours?' I blurted before I could stop myself.

His grin widened. 'Ah, no. That's my wife, Esme.' He said indicating to a classic beauty with caramel waves. I instantly felt despondant about talking with him now, but I didn't let it show. 'The rest are adopted.'

His closeness would usually make me flinch away, but he seemed like an alright person. He chattered to me about his adopted son's and daughter's for a moment, but his previous words were sinking in.

_The rest are adopted. _I had no idea how I felt about that statement. It made me think of a lot of things - the last time I was fostered and the reason I was here, the reason Dr Cullen and his wife couldn't have children, his _motives - _

My train of thought stopped when I realised he had stopped talking and his careful, golden eyes were watching me. The millions of questions seemed to be trying to escape out my mouth. 'Dr Cullen - ?'

'Carlisle.' He corrected warmly.

'Carlisle...' I began again slowly, by frenzied thoughts calming themselves. 'I want to... tell you... about... but...'

He nodded, somehow understanding my incoherant rambling. 'How about, you talk, I'll do my job, and it will provide a perfect distraction.' He winked.

I simply nodded, following Carlisle's careful hands to the bench. I swung my legs up, and realised how awkward this would be now. I decided I would have to take turns with him talking.

A lull in the conversation couldn't be good, considering. But there was no doubt with the subject matter it wouldn't be a pleasant conversation.

'So,' he started in his smooth, calming voice. 'Why did you get all jelly-legged when you saw that poster on teen pregnancy? If you're worried, I could always test for it discreetly.' He smileds lightly, noticing the worry that clearly clouded my face. 'If that's alright?'

Surprisingly, his frankness didn't bother me, but I felt a hard lump form in my throat.

'Yes. Thankyou.' I muttered. I found it quite hard to talk from this angle. He asked me a few questions about the orphanage, my parents, school, and how I was feeling as he did the general stuff - listening to by breathing, checking my pulse (which embarrasingly rose when his hand touched my wrist).

Thankfully, the conversation was kept light when he asked me to take my clothes off. He unfortunately noted my emanciated look, and gave me a few dietary suggestions.

I nodded and 'hmmed' where appropriate. There were healed 'claw marks' on my back and breasts which I gingerly looked away from. His hand gentley probed the yellowish-black bruises in the same areas. I did my best to hold back tears and keep my face it's natural colour. Which, considering the general weather pattern, was nothing spectacular.

I looked quite gaunt, and not going outside in the past month only increased the effect.

It was then Carlisle Cullen quite surprised me.

'Who did this to you?' He muttered angrily.

I stared at him in shock, unsure weather I was supposed to hear that or not.

'Sorry.' He said, his voice still tight. 'You can keep your pants on, to save what it's worth. It's quite enough exposure now to see what's been done. And I don't doubt the other doctor's reports on your sensitive areas.'

I sighed with relief. He was making this all very easy, bless him.

'Fine,' I lied. Better, I should have said, but that might provoke further... inquiry. Which I was in no way ready for, all things considered. I looked down at my horrible bruising for a moment as I gingerly put my _Smurfs _t shirt back over my head. I felt like telling him everything, but of course that would seem like a statement.

But, for some reason, I wanted him to _know._

I looked up at him earnestly as he hesitated; hovering over the thick manila file where his report would go. I was hoping he could read my mind.

'Is there something else?' His honey tone asked patiently. His matching eyes were sincere and he gently dropped the sheet down.

I nearly choked on my next words, but miraculously, he caught them. 'Can I talk to you about it?'

His smile warmed, his face given an even more boyish quality. The part in his pale blonde hair was combed up with water, and he reminded me of a soap opera doctor, one which I was strangely about to confide in. _Hell, you only met him an hour ago._

Carlisle answered so I didn't have a chance to tell my conscience to shut up. He seemed to choose his word's very carefully.

'Why don't you tell me parts of what you want to? I'm perfectly available to listen.' His eyes were sincere and he didn't smile. I nodded. A strange look flitted across his face. 'Why don't we turn the heaters up? I'll get you some water.'

He devoted the next five minutes to making me feel comfortable. I just indulged in his unnessicary picking. I took the glass of water and deliberated drowning myself in it. Sitting it on the table appeared to be the sanest option. He sat in his chair across from me now, looking away from my eyes.

_Does every doctor know exactly how to make someone feel this comfortable? _I thought bitterly. He couldn't help me with the actual words, though. But everything else seemed to be taken care of. So I started, unsure of the words which came out as they did.

'Last month, in January, they decided to foster me to a farmer, who lived alone in the hills out of Forks. Well, way out of Forks closer to Port Angeles but... His name was Brine Weston. I'm not sure whether that was his real name or what people called him but... Well he was the lumberjack type, lived alone in the moutains in a sort of two bedroom wooden hut. So I thought, 'great, an adventure!' Because I've always lived in towns, you see, so I thought oh great. But he said things that made me feel uncomfortable, but I knew I mightn't get another chance so I just... went. His hand way on my thigh the whole way home...'

I swallowed. Dr Cullen said nothing.

'I should have known, but a few days after - he already had me working - but a few days after I woke up with ropes around my wrists...' The burns were still there. ' He came in so I guess I'd been out for a while, and he started talking to me casually. He had a shotgun though, and when I tried to scream he loaded it, so I knew there was no way...' I gulped. 'He... he had to be at least fifty... and...'

I didn't realise I was crying until the clear liquid streaked down my chin.

Carlisle let me talk. 'I mean, did he really think he'd get away with it, after that? Or maybe he was going to kill me, I don't know. But they said they'd reduce the charge because of the pain medication he was on at the time...'

I trailed off as Dr Cullen's head snapped back toward me, his eyes flashing dangerously. 'What?' He spat venom.

'He... he was apparently only getting three years but it's over...' I finished lamely.

'They saw the gun.' Carlisle continued, slight anger still seeping through his voice. 'He was going to kill you.'

'I know.' I said, my dull eyes brimmed with tears.

He seethed for a moment longer, then his expression was softer, looking troubled. 'I feel guilty that I have to leave you to go back to the orphanage, Elisabetha, but I have other patient's this afternoon. Will you join me at a later date though?'

I nodded. 'Could I borrow a rubber band?'

He raised an eyebrow. 'Your not going to try and do away with yourself, are you?' His tone was mood lightening and he was masking a smile.

'No, I'm not. I want it for my hair...' I trailed off realising it was a rhetorical question. He smiled and unwound the rubber band from his pen's on his desk. I took it, winding my lank black hair into a ponytail, an effort of make it look less greasy. I smiled weakly, the tears drying stiff on my face.

'I'll look better next time, I promise.'

'It's a date.' He said with another heart stopping grin.

I smiled to myself for the first time in a while. I was looking forward to seeing Dr Carlisle again.

* * *

It was late. The cab which brought me into town was obviously late, or they had forgotten. Actually, after my encounter with the young doctor, it seemed a great weight had been lifted from my chest.

I was surprised at my chagrin as the hiss of the automatic door. I turned slowly from my seat on the bench.

'Elisabetha?' Dr Cullen looked quite shocked. I suppose it was stupid of me to be out in the cold on the bench, for all these hours. But the truth was I wasn't in any great hurry to get back to the orphanage. I hurried over to him when I heard my name.

'I'm sorry,' I apologized quickly. 'It's late I know, but I didn't want to leave. I just want to... stay with you.' I mumbled quietly. I knew his obviously good hearing didn't miss that.

Carlisle placed his arms on my elbows and looked at me. 'Didn't they come for you?'

I found his concern amusing. 'No.' I snorted. 'It doesn't matter to _them _anyway...'

'How old are you?' He asked.

I tried not to take it as patronising. Instead, I felt a pang of sadness when I realised how young I was, and how my innocence had been physically taken away. 'I'm fifteen. Sixteen next Wednesday.' I muttered quietly.

His eyebrow's furrowed on his attractive face. 'You carry quite a lot of bitterness for a fifteen, turning sixteen, year old girl.'

'Go figure.' I said dryly. 'Sorry... You've made me feel better. Is that any consolation?'

He chuckled lightly. 'I suppose it is.'

After a few phonecalls to the Port Angeles Orphanage and his home, Dr Cullen returned to me. 'I'm going to drive you back, if that's alright.'

His subtraction of the word 'home' pleased me. I nodded swiftly and tried to hide my happiness. I was thrilled. Unfortuneatly, the usual hour long trip only took us fifteen minutes as Carlisle sped in his swift, black Mercedes.

He changed gears so fast I barely had time to blink. But I enjoyed the trip, chattering to him about grades, asking a few questions about his family. He didn't mention the wrod 'adoption', probably afraid he would get my hopes up. I didn't mind though. It was nice just to... be.

There was an apology to Carlisle when he brought me in, but not to me. After he bade me goodbye, the patron made me walk to my room in silence, as it was nearly ten o'clock at night.

I felt bad for making Carlisle late, as he worked long hours already.

But I clung to his promise of seeing me next week, before my birthday, he said. I just hoped he'd keep it. I crawled onto my grey cot in my clothes, and the light moonlight provided the untortured sleep of which I was in need.

* * *

**a/n - **This is the longest chapter I have ever written. EVER. Please review. As you can see the situation is quite complex, and you'll notice I didn't mention the word 'rape' because Elisabetha doesn't want to. Kudos to _Dracula, _where I got the name. There are more complications, and details of what happened to her. Review. You shall see.


	2. Ties

**a/n - **Ha. Hahaha! Another chapter, done! I'd like to thank all... EIGHT people who reviewed. Honestly, I love them, even if they are annoymus. So here we find our OC, Elisabetha (hurrah no one bagged out the name yet) not a very happy camper indeed. Poor dear. The song will tie in soon.

_Now that I have found someone  
I'm feeling more alone  
__Than I ever have before_

_She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly  
Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere  
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly  
Brick - Ben Folds Five_

* * *

**Chapter Two - Ties**

To say I felt dizzy and sick was the least of my problems. Tuesday morning was spent emptying my stomach in the bathroom – the last thing I wanted to do was throw up on Dr Cullen and have him glaring at me from under his dripping, perfect blonde hair. I would have taken the kids for a walk, but pretended to be asleep inside, and while they were gone I practically body slammed the toilet door.

I didn't want anyone else to know I was sick. Well, maybe Carlisle. But not myself. I'm not sure how that worked but… oh here I go again.

After ten more minutes it was over. I lay with my cheek against the cool tiles. _Ahhh. _Much, much better. Fumbling around, I tried to locate some sort of minty refresher or at the very least a hand towel. That would do.

I wanted to think it was probably food poisoning, which wasn't out of the ordinary here. What _were _out of ordinary were the circumstances. _Morning sickness is one of the early sighs of pregnancy. _Damn that stupid poster, I knew I shouldn't have looked closer. What would be more mortifying is if those words came from Dr Cullen's perfect mouth. NO! It was the fish sticks… it had to be the fish sticks.

Sighing, I scrambled to my feet and began trying to look half presentable in the small amount of time I had. Not to mention the girl's bathroom was shared, so I'd have to hurry to avoid suspicions. Flushing the toilet, I took my cosmetic bag to the wall lined with mirrors, and was surprised what the good hair wash had done. My hair hung in soft waves now, black curtains around my head. I brushed it – better than greasy, string and burnt looking, I guessed. I pinched my gaunt cheeks, the dark hair making my pale look _terrifying. _

I chuckled to myself at the thought. My eyes were nearly - I looked closely – grey. I left my face makeupless, hoping the thick lashes would do. Well, I offered him presentable, and this was the best I could do. My hair shone with a brown tinge under the neon lights. Ah. I knew what was missing. I tried to force a smile onto my dry lips. Ah dammit, it was bleeding. A light application of Karmex. That was better.

I looked at my wristwatch and grabbed my toiletries, hurrying from the bathroom. In my room, I quickly sprayed some deodorant and slipped on my best shirt – something plain and white I was forced to wear to a funeral once, feeling completely ridiculous. It was on my way out I halted in the doorway. I was _looking forward _to something? I'd been depressed for weeks, and it was far too early to be getting over it. Had my appointment with Dr Cullen changed my mood that _much? _It was surreal, yet I didn't feel regret.

I was thinking, if I tried hard we could maybe, possibly even be - friends. I could always - not use, need - a friend. A smile tugged at the corners of my mouth, but it didn't even have a chance. I jumped as the samll hand touched my arm. Nearly cursing whoever nearly gave me a heart attack, I whirled around to see a small girl tugged on my sleeve. Not the fat, bad tempered nurse I was expecting. I felt when my heart started thudding again.

'Sorry,' I murmered, distracted. 'Whats up?' I couldn't remember her name, but I'd seen her around.

'I got told to get you, Lizey, um, there's someone here to see you.'

My heart stuttered again. 'Oh, right. Thanks.' I tried smiling, and my best guess said she was scared, and it probably wasn't a good idea to force it, especially with so many children around. Not to mention the fact they already thought I was a vampire because of my hair colour, and the fact nowadays I spent most of my time indoors. I sighed, feeling falsely cheery as I left my room, though that would probably change when I saw Dr Cullen.

Well, I hoped it changed when I saw Dr Cullen, assuming that's who was here. I nearly laughed in spite of myself - who else would it be? I was right. When I entered the visiting hall, disgustingly decorated with neonicly blinding drawings and crafts we only did when we were snowed up to our eyes, I saw him inspecting a finger painting, done by a four year old kid who was now happily fostered. His photograph was taped next to the picture.

_Oh yeah, happy happy happy. I wonder if maybe they'll tape my picture up next to the ultrasound?_

I could have literally kicked myself for thinking it. Damn, ruined my half decent morning already. I wasn't nauseous anymore, but I did feel sick now, thanks to my bloody wonderful thoughts trailing.

Carlisle turned slowly when I approached, but I got the feeling he already knew I was there. I could have fainted there and then - not because of what I was thinking, but because the doctor had apparently also wanted to make our next meeting more presentable. I didn't know there was a way of looking more presentable than a Calvin Klein model until now.

His honey coloured hair was long and slightly damp around his face, he was wearing what only had to be a highly expensive cologne, his white doctor's coat had been replaced with a black coat and brown scarf, and his ocher eyes shone with his smile as I approached. I wanted to smile back, but I didn't want to scare him of all people.

'Good morning.' His silver voice tinkled.

He seemed as happy to see me as he did before, which I found strange. Not a bad strange, but... No one really ever looked forward to spending time with me, not even my school friends, particularly of late. I wasn't very close to any of them, and now they had no idea how to comfort me - not that I was going to let them anyway.

My head snapped up as I realised I was looking off into the distance. 'Oh sorry, hi!' I said as enthusiastically as I could. Why did my feelings have to be crossed?

'How have you been?' Carlisle asked, seriously now. He took a seat behind one of the craft tables and I joined him.

'Alright.' I answered truthfully. I looked at him, his peaceful face easy to talk to. 'Emotionally, I guess I feel better, just since our last visit. But it would make much more sence if you were a councellor, you'd make a fortune.' I added lightly, not wanting to broadcast my taking to him to the world.

He chuckled lightly, his eyes serious. 'Good to hear. And physically? I guess there's something there?'

'Yes.' I said, almost inaudibly, not being able to look away from his dark golden eyes. He waited, and I sighed again. 'I was, well, sick this morning. I think you know what...'

His beautiful features hardened. 'Mmm. Has it been at least eight weeks...?'

'Yes.' I muttered, I could feel my palms becoming sweaty. I knew it was bad, I just wished it hadn't been so early into our conversation. 'Oh God...'

'Are you alright?'

I felt sick again, and this time I really _did _hope I didn't empty my stomach on Dr Cullen, especially considering how gorgeous he was looking this morning. 'Fuck... I don't feel so... great.' I managed weakly.

He didn't seem to mind my useless swearing. 'Are you feeling lightheaded?'

'Uh huh.' I said. I decided to take advantage of our suddenly close proximity by gently falling against his chest. 'Don't worry, I'm still consious.' I murmered. 'I'm just waiting to wake up from this nightmare.' I stayed like this for about a minute. Carlisle didn't seem uncomfortable or repulsed by my new-found resting place, which wouldn't have really made a difference anyway. I wasn't going anywhere.

After a while, Carlisle took a large breath and gingerly placed his hands on my now throbbing head. The tension in my skull wasn't really helping me clear my thoughts. 'Sorry.' He pre-apologized for his freezing hands. 'Have the walls stopped spinning?'

I counted to ten slowly, then opened my eyes. 'I think so.' Unwillingly, I pulled my head slowly from under his chin. 'I'm sorry... I just... I'm fifteen, Dr Cullen.' My voice was lost pathetically at the end; I really, really didn't want to cry. And then, I did at the same time.

His eyes flashed, and I knew he was recalling the story I had told him. The story which wasn't particularly nice. 'I know.' He said stiffly. I'm not going to lie, I'm going to prepare you for the worst. It's highly likely you _are _pregnant, but if you want, I'll be with you when you find out.'

'I wouldn't have it another way.'

As if on impulse, he pushed a strand of my black waves behind my ear. 'I promise, you will be. Oh,' He grinned mischieviously, taking a small package from his pocket, 'here. It's sort of an... early birthday present.'

I looked at his eager face, then the package from Newton's store on the table. I decided not to point out that I thought they sold outdoor gear. 'Oh.' It was a small packet of black hair ties. I burst out laughing, and the sound was dry and unfamiliar, but Carlisle was still grinning. 'You remembered!'

He shrugged one shoulder, still smiling. 'Well, you said you didn't have any. It's not much of a birthday present.' His smile faded slightly.

Mine, however, did not. 'Oh it's fine. Thankyou, really. It's probably the best I'll get.' I joked, now grinning.

Dr Carlisle, however, seemed to be concentrating on something else, however. The possibilty I was pregnant, most likely. He sighed, looking at me with troubled eyes. I couldn't help notice no matter how troubled Dr Cullen's expressions turned, his face remained beautiful. If he had not spoken first, I would have asked him if he really was a Calvin Klein model.

'Elisabetha. I wanted to give you this for your birthday, but... well I'm not really sure it can wait now.' I hoped he didn't see my expression when my thoughts jumped to 'pregnancy test'. He wore a wry smile as he slid the envelope toward me. It was busniess sized, but cream, instead of white or yellow. In a neat elegant scrawl, drawn in ink, was -

_**Happy Birthday, If You'll Accept.** _

A hard lump rose in my throat, which had nothing to do with the possible baby I was now carrying. 'What...?'

He gestured, his mouth twisitng so his expression was unreadable.

My eyebrows furrowed and I carefully opened this mysterious package, having a feeling I wouldn't have to read far. There was a stack of papers. One was a _Washington Change of Address Form_, behind that was a photo of what appeared to be Dr Cullen's extended family, and behind that was a stack of neatly stapled adoption papers. 'What's this?' I blurted croakily, almost to myself. 'Are... are you saying...?'

'Yes.' His smile was gone now, and he faced me closely in all seriousness. 'My wife Esme and I have done some serious consideration over the weekend.' He seemed to be having some sort of internal struggle as I listened. 'Look, I have this... well, we won't call it a condition. Let's call it a habit. It's sort of my... weakness, if you like.'

I deepened my frown, wanting him to understand I had no idea whether what he was telling me was bad or ver good news.

Carlisle smiled a little, so I was guessing it was turning out good. 'That came out rather... incoherant, didn't it? I save people, Elisabetha.' He captured my attention by using my name and I drew closer. 'I saved my children,' he waved a hand at the photograph, 'and I couldn't stand by and see you suffer. Not like this.'

He sighed. 'I am asking you, if you want to come and live with us, the Cullen's. My wife, myself, and my four adopted children.' My heart welled in my chest. Fuck risking it, I was risking _breathing. '_I can perfectly understand after what happened to you, you want to decline the offer. But your birthday was coming up, and - '

He couldn't finish his sentence because I'd pounced on him in a bear hug. Not quite so crushing as I would have liked it - he must work out way more than he was letting everyone at the hospital know, because it was like diving into a wall. 'Yes! Yes Oh God yes! You have no idea... no idea...' It was strange to finally be able to cry while I was laughing ecstatically, but I couldn't help it.

Carlisle held my head, his long pale hair patting my hair softly. 'I'm so glad.'

I drew away sharply. 'Wait - how? Do you have enough room?'

He laughed, his rich honey tones louder than his usual quiet velvety voice, as if he was enjoying some private, inside joke. 'Oh, more than enough.' His voice was mirthful. 'I'm sorry, well, when I told Esme about it, she insisted you get your own living space to not, well, our house hangs in the delicate balance of Esme. So we just built you - '

'What?' I practically yelled. 'You built me a house over the _weekend? _What if I'd said no?' I asked, deeply greatful and in awe.

His kind eyes smiled. 'Well, it's more of a granny flat, actually. Well - quite a big granny flat. I always wanted an Aston Martin Vanquish, we could have converted it to a garage. Another one. I'm not sure Edward likes us flaunting our... money.'

'Yeah.' I managed weakly.

'Would you like to move in tomorrow? I mean you'd have to consider going to school in Forks, things like - '

My voice, once again, raised a few octaves. 'What?!' I practically screamed in delighted hysteria, which Dr Cullen was finding quite amusing. 'Tomorrow? As in, TOMORROW tomorrow?'

He nodded. 'The day after the current one.'

I could have sworn I was dying. It was all so soon. They built me a house? Or, as Carlisle said, a very large granny flat. How much money exactly DID these people have? Did they run some sort of backdoor plastic surgery room by night, for broke celebrities wishing to make a comeback in the bright lights? This was insane. Breathe, I reminded myself. 'Y-yes.' I stuttered weakly. 'W-w... how?'

He laughed again, and I could imagine my incredulous expression.

Despair suddenly flooded me and this time, dread took the air from my lungs. 'I'm a mess.' I croaked. 'I can't ruin your life, your a good person, Dr Cullen, I don't want to sink the happy little boat that is your life. I mean, you must already have enough on your mind with six adopted children.' Tears stung my eyes again. I clutched my sides near my stomach. 'And _this._'

His voice was deadly quiet when he spoke. 'First, you have to let us look after you, Elisabetha. You need a family to do that, and you don't have one.' His true words didn't sting, but I'd expect them to if they were coming from a less heavenly person. 'Second, we'll find out if you really are expecting, even though it is likely. And last of all, if you are, and you decide to keep this baby, we'll help you make a desicion, whatever you decide.'

I felt overwhelmed as I took another glance at the papers. I pulled them towards me and gulped, grinning at the gorgeous doctor. 'Where do I sign?'

* * *

**a/n - **Not as long as my first, but I hoped you liked it. If that seemed rushed then I'm sorry, but it's quite a large plotline I'm putting in here, eh, who knows. PLEASE REVIEW. It will keep it going!


	3. What Goes Up

**a/n -** is my drug, I'm sorry. This chapter is the longest yet and kinda scattered, I'm so sorry, but I type when I'm anxious about something and I've had to film some scenes in the recent week. Anywho, I hope fans of this thing still enjoy it. PLLEAAAAAAAASE tell me though! It's the only way I can know whether to continu Adieu!

_She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly  
Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere  
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly  
Brick - Ben Folds Five_

* * *

**Chapter Three - What Goes Up**

The bed alone was about as big as my entire room at the orphanage had been. I felt slightly sick, because for one – I knew this would be the best birthday I would possibly have in my life and two – I swallowed my toothpaste this morning and was fighting very hard not to throw up. The excitement didn't really help.

'I still can't believe…' I couldn't pull together a coherent sentence. The walls were painted red, the curtains were royal blue with gold tassels, the kitchen was adorable with little curtains with a corn print on them, and I felt like a queen, even in my track pants and purple t-shirt.

Carlisle was smiling. 'Please, enjoy it. Forks High School said they'd gladly accept you mid semester, so you have the rest of this week and this weekend to get settled and ready for Monday.'

'Really? That's… fantastic.' I couldn't help beaming. It was so easy with Dr Cullen. I checked out the large sitting room while he went and got Esme, his wife. There was a dining table next to the wood fire, which would have to be lit soon, despite the season. In the corner was a couch the same deep blue as the curtains, covered with gold comforters. The whole thing was beautifully strange – it felt as if it had been designed for me centuries ago. And yet it _had _been made for me, but only the last weekend, I could still smell the freshly dried paint.

I heard the door open and assumed Dr Cullen had come back. 'Who did all this?' I asked, turning.

'I did!'

'Gah!'

I wasn't expecting the beautiful, elf like girl to step out so suddenly and fell over my own luggage. She giggled, not unkindly. 'Oops, sorry. I'm Alice.' She smiled, and I felt very, very underdressed and ugly in my grey sweats.

Alice offered her hand and pulled me up as if I'd only weighed ten pounds. 'Elisabetha.' I said, remembering where my feet were supposed to go. 'But, it is an awfully long name, isn't it? You can call me Betha I suppose.'

'You suppose?'

I felt my cheeks uncharacteristically warm. 'Well, I've never really had a nickname before. What do you think?'

Alice looked thoughtful for a moment, but the happiness never left her face. 'Yes, I like Betha. It sounds very pretty and old fashioned. I like it. Betha it is!'

I laughed at her eagerness. It sounded so false to me, but Alice didn't notice. I cleared my throat. 'So you did the curtains and stuff?'

She giggled, her laugh sounded like tinkling ice. 'Yes, not just that. I did the whole thing. Apart from the building, of course. My brother Emmett is the one with the arms of a lumberjack.'

I backtracked. 'What?' I asked, astonished.

'Well, Emmett really isn't _that _interesting, but you'll get to meet him, Rosalie and Jasper when they come back from camping, but – '

'No… they built all this? This weekend?' It was becoming more and more unbelievable as the minutes ticked on.

Alice made a face, as if she had just spilled some sort of huge secret, then smiled. 'Well, we all helped. But it wasn't that hard. We have experience in the field. When you live together a long time, you learn things. Although, I don't think Jasper will ever see my taste in fashion somehow…'

I felt a little bit more uncomfortable about my clothes after that statement, but her laugh reassured me.

'In all seriousness, Elisabetha, we're all glad to have you. Don't think I'm objected to you being here, but the reason we all helped build this for you is because it was Carlisle's idea to have you… A few of the other's needed convincing, but once the decision was made, we all helped him.'

The smiled fell from her face for a second. 'Some of my siblings needed reminding of what Carlisle had done for them… but no matter! We all pitched in once the others were convinced.'

I felt embarrassed to be the centre of family conflict, but grateful at the same time. 'So… were you on Carlisle's side?'

'Yes. Of course. And Esme, and for some strange reason, so was Edward.'

I wondered why that would be strange. This brother I'd never met held no significance for me. Maybe he agreed with Carlisle. I was about to say thank you, but a sudden sharp thought pierced my skull. 'Did Carlisle tell you about…?' I wasn't sure how to finish.

A mild voice spoke from the doorway. 'I told Esme and Alice, no one else. I hope you don't mind.' Carlisle's face was apologetic. From beside him, the person who could only be Esme stepped forward with elegant grace and pulled me into a surprisingly strong bear hug. It was like I was something she'd never seen before.

'Oh darling, we're so happy to have you! Carlisle told me what happened, and I said I couldn't be happier to have you!' She squeezed me tighter, and Carlisle winked from behind her back. I decided I liked Esme. When she gave me room to breathe, her golden, motherly eyes inspected me. Her beautiful heart – shaped face was filled with delight.

I smiled happily at her, but my thought's were far away. He had told them, and they were the ones who agreed I stayed. Who knows? Maybe it didn't happen in that order. I shook my head a little to clear the thoughts - it was all very strange.

'Thank you so much, Esme, Carlisle. Alice.' I managed. I really, really hoped this lasted. Being wanted and having a home. Not only my emotional distress, but it was a lot of building material going to waste. How much money _did _these people have? I grinned to myself as Carlisle spoked in a hushed voice to Esme - I couldn't imagine sweet, kind Esme running a drugdealership or a backdoor surgery clinic.

Carlisle noticed my little smile and grinned, yet somehow kept his attention on his wife. I apologized to Alice and carried my bags to my bedroom, rejecting her offer to help. It was eleven in the morning. By ten past I had all my meager possessions laid out on my bed, ready to put away. I wanted to get to know the rest of the family, but only while Carlisle was there. A warm feeling in my tummy had replaced the quesiness, and I sprawled out on my bed as soft as clouds, vowing not to move until someone woke me.

_The dream I was having was odd. I was around six months pregnant, two small children played at my feet. My hair was long and straggled and I held a cigarette in my hand. I looked and felt disgusting. I might as well have lived in a trailer park. _

_Carlisle - beautiful Carlisle - pulled up in a Shevy pick up truck, home from work. He was unshaven and sour looking, He pulled me into a rough, hungry kiss - sweaty and unpassionate. His gorgeous features then morphed into Brine Weston, his dark eyes ravishing and full of lust. _

It was then I woke up, and before my eyes flew open I knew I wasn't alone. Carlisle's eyes were anxious as he stood over me. 'Are you alright?' He whispered. He looked hurt when I flinched away from his hand. 'It was just a dream.' He soothed. His voice was irrisistable, and I swung myself off the bed to meet him.

'It was... weird. Really weird. You know when you dream something that seems so real, and it's horrible. You know it's not but, it's like... like it's telling you something? Something that... would never happen.' I realised I was rambling, however Dr Carlisle was staring at me thoughtfully.

He spoke quietly. 'I don't dream often, actually. But I do understand.' His pleasant half-smile returned. 'You must be quite cold in here. You have goosebumps. Would you like to get some sun?'

'Yeah.' I said weakly. He helped me up and wrapped his scarf around his neck. His hands were like ice, and I was surprised to not find it as cold as I had expected outside. Even in the clearing, grey storm clouds hid the sun, and Dr Cullen loosened his scarf when we were outside.

I had only briefly looked at the huge, perfect three-story mansion this morning, and was slightly dissappointed when we went to the car. _Slightly_ being the key word though, it was a nice car. 'I'm going to get your pregnancy test back today, and you'll want to be there.' He said before I could even fasten my seatbelt.

'Oh...' my insides knotted with apprehension. Dr Carlisle's hands were tight around the steering wheel as she swiftly turned onto the driveway. It was all I could do - watch him. Words couldn't form now. I was a little surprised that this day would turn out so bittersweet. 'Well, um, how long will it take?'

'Around an hour.' His shoulders were still stiff, but a slight smile had returned to his face.

'Oh.'

His eyes, met mine, yet he still changed gears. They were a dark topaz now. I noted to myself how I liked the way they changed colour with the weather. 'Whatever the result, I told Alice she could help you celebrate, or comfort.' A grin spread across his beautiful mouth. 'She gets very enthusiastic about these sort of things.'

'Oh, alright. Celebrate how?'

'Shopping.'

I actually felt less tense now. 'Oh, great.' My sentences were still short though. 'What for?'

He sighed. 'Everything.'

I laughed at that. Alice seemed very enthusiastic about _everything. _I liked Alice. 'Oh g - I don't have any money.' Carlisle looked at me from the road again and I felt like an idiot. 'Oh, right. Are you sure you have it to spare?'

He smiled. 'No, not in Alice quanities. That's why your limit for today is 1000 dollars.'

'WHAT?!' I yelled so loud I was quite surprised when Carlisle managed to maintain his grip on the steering wheel. He chuckled, obviously amused at my lack of comprehension of their wealth. 'Are you serious, Carlisle? One thousand dollars? My limit _for today. _Does that mean there will be subsequent days?' His laughter grew stronger. I folded my arms, indignant for the first time. 'Don't laugh! It's not funny, it's ridiculous! I... eh... wuh...'

Carlisle threw his head back and laughed. It was mesmorising. His blonde hair flipped over one side of his face when he looked at me. 'I write for so many medical journals it's unbelievable. I have at least ten very important books under false names, for security reasons of course, and all six of my children get money from the government.' His smile remained, but his whole face had darkened. 'But don't think money is the reason for you all.'

My heart skipped a beat when he said 'you all.'

'You all needed me, one way or the other. I had the assets and the heart, Betha dear, that's why. I would find a way if I was living on twenty dollars a week.'

I realised I wasn't smiling any more, and the intenisity of his words had decreased his speed of driving. From insanely fast, to very fast. 'Sorry.' I whispered. 'It's so kind of you, you know. But there is one thing though...'

'What's that?'

'You're not very modest about it, are you?'

A grin broke his concertrated face and I could have melted into the leather seat. 'Not at all.' He mirrored my whisper with much more seductiveness than I could ever hope for.

The business-sized envelope on the desk seemed as big as the room, and would soon start to suffocate me. I was glad Dr Cullen was doing this so formally. He folded his long, pale hands on his arm rest and spoke in a soft, reassuring voice.

'It's positive.'

I felt sick immediately, and a band of sweat broke across my forehead. I must have gone very pale.

Carlisle's eyes were concerned. 'Are you alright?'

'I think so. Yeah. Oh God. How far along?'

'Well, calculating the only possible time it could have been concieved, I'd say you're about nine weeks now.' He noted grimly.

'Fuck.'

'Indeed. I'm going to check the baby's health with an ultrasound, because the heartbeat _should _be audible by now. Follow me.' I stood, shaky. 'Here, hold onto me.' I did so gladly. He was cold, but his clothes were warm. I told the voice in my head to shutup, but it wouldn't.

_He can't make this go away._

I knew that, but I wished he could. But no one could. He put the machine on the clear jelly on my slightly swollen abdomen and fiddled around with the machine, and there it was. The tiny flicker of the heartbeat. I couldn't help but feel how wrong this was, this should be a time for happt expecting couples, there hopeful eyes delighted to see the little miracle inside the woman.

To me - this was a ticking time bomb.

'I'm very sorry.' Dr Cullen whispered.

I felt a hard lump in my throat and could barely breathe. 'Don't be. Don't be sorry at all. It's not like it's _your _fault.' I could taste bitter tears falling into my mouth as I spoke, so I clamped it shut.

His face was angry, and I expected he was thinking of Brine Weston. I know I was. But I turned to the screen again and my thoughts trailed off. The smell of the hospital cleaner and raw bleach was everywhere, and maybe clouding my thoughts. But I couldn't help feel sorry for the little thing. It wasn't it's fault, either. I touched my tummy, and was surprised how deep my finger went, even at the slightest touch.

It's life was entirely dependant on me, and I felt horrible about it. I wanted it to live. I didn't know how, but I did. 'That's it's heart?' I asked thickly.

'Yes.'

I felt my face fall, and I was crying into Dr Cullen's stone chest. 'I shouldn't... I...'

'Shhh.' He soothed.

When Alice came in her Porche, I was feeling better, especially becuase of how comical Alice was with her possesions. I saw Carlisle whisper something to her, and she looked suddenly grave. She asked him something in a hushed voice, and he shook his head. Her expression was blank for a long moment, and she shook her head to an unasked question.

Carlisle looked extremely puzzled by whatever it was, but smiled at me happily from the hospital doors when he realised I was watching. He went inside after Alice and I were in her car. It made my head hurt to think of how much it would have cost. My stomach twirled as we darted through traffic, getting to Port Angeles in ten minutes.

When we got to the mall, I had to practically run to keep up with Alice. My eyes conviniently avoided all the tiny little pint-sized clothing in the department stores. Alice chattered about how nice things would look on me, and I just nodded. I felt a uncomfortable relying so heavily on these people, and it wasn't really about the money. I wanted to perhaps have a chat with the doctor tonight, or tomorrow, or whenever I'd had enough sleep to realise this was all a bad dream.

We got to the counter and Alice drew a stack of notes from her wad of cash and told me she would even it out from mine when we got 'home'.

I thanked Alice for taking me shopping and sat the bags of new, expensive unworn clothes in my kitchen. Then, with a sort of a graceful dignity, I flopped onto my huge bed on my back and cried, gurgling sorrowfully on my salty tears.

* * *

**a/n - **ANGST!! Please review


	4. Audrey

**Author's Note: **I'm not dead I swear. Sorry it's taken so long. I just didn't think of anything. Okay, here we go. Please review. AND OH MY GOSH, today I got the Twilight movie book, with all the pictures and info, and there's a picture of Carlisle biting Esme BUT it looks like he's giving her a lovebite and I almost gasmed off the chair I was sitting in... Yeah so anyway, onto the fic. On, I say.

_She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly,  
Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere,  
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly...  
_Brick ~ Ben Folds Five

* * *

**Chapter Four - Audrey**

The thing I was most afraid of Monday morning was the judgement. I didn't expect Dr Carlisle to have told anyone about my current condition, but what if one of these kid's parents was a nurse? They would find out sooner or later, but I wanted to be relatively settled in before the bump because too obvious. I walked down the wet driveway to the office and was thankful Dr Cullen had dropped me off early. It was surprising to find him leaning casually against his Mercedes that morning as I was expecting to trudge down the road and catch the school bus.

'Get in.' He said, smiling and opening the door for me.

'Are you going to do this every day?' I asked.

His soft, honey eyes found mine. 'Only as long as you want me to. But if you're embarrassed and want to catch the school bus, I understand.' His expression was that of mock hurt. 'I'm not cool enough for you kids these days.'

'No way!' I balked.

He laughed lightly and revved the engine as we sped off down the Cullen driveway. As I entered the office, I was glad to find it surprisingly warm. I pressed the water droplets out of my hair as I nervously waited for the large, red-headed secretary to notice me. I felt better when she looked up and beamed. 'Ah, we've been expecting you, Elisabetha. Did Dr Cullen drop you off then?'

Ah, so she'd noticed how early I was. 'Yes, he said it was no trouble. Um, so… Oh, you can call me Betha if you like.' I stuttered. I was a little put off by the office and I had no idea why. I just didn't want any of my personal details to spread from it. I quickly thanked her, took my timetables and looked around for a place to sit while I revised my timetable, teachers and map of the school.

In Port Angeles, Waterfront High was a highly dilapidated government-run school, where no one really paid much attention to me. The incident with Brine Weston… I shuddered to think of his name… had not been made public for my sake, so no one had paid me any more when I'd started not caring about school and not trusting anyone. I didn't have the nice house to bring people home to anyway, so why bother having friends?

That's one thing that I felt unnerving about the Cullens; they all visited me, but so far I'd never been invited into their three story house. What I didn't understand was why they had to build me an extra house all to my own, because theirs was surely big enough for one extra person. I was so caught up in my thoughts I jumped when the bell rang, and instantly began to feel claustrophobic when I saw the area I'd seated myself in was swarming with people.

I headed off to English quickly, while everyone else just lagged far behind me at my own pace. So far no one had noticed me, but I'm sure that would change once I was in class. I got my notebook and pen from my bag and decided I would mention my isolation from the Cullen family to Carlisle that night.

I was thankful the English teacher had simply introduced me without making me stand up. The people sitting around me looked as my name was mentioned, but once work proceeded I was left well enough alone. As I scrawled down a creative writing task on 'journey', my mind wandered back to my earlier discomfort. It saddened me that they even ate on their own. They had me set up like an adult and what I really wanted was to be their family, not their friends. Maybe they where into drugs or something and thought it best I was separated? I felt so left out I nearly cried, but whatever nasty business they were into, I wanted to be a part of their family.

I looked down to see I'd started scribbling a pattern on the page, and I swore under my breath. I'd have to redo that as homework tonight. I'd mention me unease to Carlisle, but make nothing of it, because it was only a day off a week that I'd moved in next to the Cullens.

That was weird, I was their neighbour. When the bell rang and I pushed myself to the next class, Art, I decided I wouldn't think of it anymore today. I'd just have to see what would happen.

Art wasn't offered to sophomore's at my old school, and I was surprised to find I liked it. The lesson wasn't what I thought it would be – us all drawing a piece of fruit that was set up in the middle of the room – it wasn't like a lesson at all. I painted a persimmon tree in watercolour in the first ten minutes, then decided I'd try sketches. I ended up drawing three different angles of a Disney-style Carlisle. I blushed, but no one that I talked to seemed to notice it was him. I was welcomed nicely into this class.

The whole day I couldn't remember anyone's name. Dr Cullen, as I expected, was out the front of the school gates when I walked down the gravel driveway. I jumped into the passenger seat, eager to get out of the rain. Before I could say a word, a wave of nausea hit me as I realised I wanted to go to school and just be a school kid, but I wasn't; I was going to have a baby.

Carlisle noticed the change in my expression. 'Did you forget something?'

'No. I wanted to talk to you about something.' Which wasn't entirely a lie, but it wasn't as bad as what I was thinking of so I lightened my expression. 'Oh I've just been thinking… why is it that I have a house to myself? I mean great, sure I love it, but I don't know… I was thinking we'd spend more family time together. I understand your busy, but I feel like your neighbour.'

Carlisle's expression darkened for a moment, and I wondered if my words had another meaning.

'I'm sorry if I offended you, I'm so grateful. I really am.'

He smiled lightly, but it didn't reach his eyes. 'No, no, not at all. Yes, you're right, you're perfectly right. In fact, once the others you haven't met come home from their camping trip, I'm sure you could move in. They'll tear each other up over that house of yours.' He smiled wryly as if they really would. 'I thought it might worry you, but Alice insisted you needed space. Esme would love you to come and live with us. Really with us. I'm sorry.' He leaned over and kissed the side of my head and I blushed.

'Thankyou. I don't know what to say.'

He grinned and gunned the engine. 'Oh, don't worry about it. I thought you'd like to get settled before you really meet the Cullen family.' He laughed.

'What's so funny?' I asked, still embarrassed about the kiss.

'I wonder what Edward will say when I tell him you get his room?'

* * *

A few birds twitered outside my window, thankful for the break in the rain. I wondered if it would be late tonight when the rest of the Cullen's got home. A knock at the door startled me and I hurled myself off my bed, eager to answer it. I was surprised to see Esme at my door instead of Carlisle. She was smiling in an open, friendly way, but I guessed Carlisle had told her about my feeling left out. Her general demeanor in the previous days seemed like she wanted desperately to have me as close as her other children, and I was determined to find out what the gap was.

'Betha, how are you dear?'

'Oh, I'm fine. School was... interesting. I didn't really make any friends, but I liked the actual work itself.'

She beamed. 'Oh, great. Listen, I was thinking of watching one of my old movies, _Roman Holiday.. _I'm sure you've heard of Audrey Hepburn?' I nodded. She smiled. 'Yes, it's one of my favourites. Would you like to come up and watch it with us? We haven't got your bed into Edward's room yet, so you'll have to stay down here again tonight.'

'Oh no, that's okay I don't mind. Yeah I'd love to watch it.' I grinned.

She seemed very happy. 'Oh, that's great, well, the other's will be home sometime tonight before you sleep so you'll meet them then. Come on, I'll show you around.'

The Cullen house was even more massive inside than what it had appeared. My little house seemed like a cottage compared to it. Hell, it seemed like a tool shed. The had a huge veranda, a whole space cleared on the first floor with a wall made entirely of windows to overlook the forest and the lake, and on the other two floors where rooms and rooms, most of them unused. The biggest ones belonged to the Hales, whom I was told were brother and sister, and the three Cullen's, one of which I would soon occupy. Esme told me quietly when we passed a room on the way to mine, 'That's Carlisle's study. Let him know before you want to go in there - he's very busy.'

I nodded. 'So are you sure this is okay?' I mumbled, my cheeks flushing pink.

'Of course! We love you, Betha.' She gripped me into an enourmous bear-hug and I was amazed at the little woman's strength. I hadn't been told that anyone loved me. I always thought it would be some boy I went out with or something, but this made me feel so odd, so happy. 'I love you guys too.' I mumbled. 'Uh Esme?'

'Yeah sweetie?'

'You're crushing my face...'

'Oh, sorry.' She grinned, embarrassed. I nearly jumped ten foot in the air when I saw Carlisle standing in the doorway of his office.

'Seen your new room yet Betha?' He asked with a wink.

'No, she hasn't.' Esme said ushering me down the hall. Carlisle followed. I felt so happy, and hoped the welcome wagon from the rest of the Cullen's was this cheerful. Well, Alice seemed to like me. I gaped when I opened the door. It really was huge. There was empty space where the bed must have been, a bird's eye view of the forest and valley, and, despite the lack of furniture, a huge sound system taking up one of the walls.

Carlisle chuckled. 'I hope you like music. But I'm sorry to say, Edward took his rather superfelous collection with him.'

'I don't know what to say.' I whispered. It was incomprehendable they where being this kind to me, every whim I had was in reach. I was even having trouble fathoming the baby I was carrying was a bad thing. It would hit me once I got used to this, but at the moment I couldn't make head nor tail of it. 'Really, I don't. You are so... You're wonderful.' I smacked into them, nestling under Carlisle's neck. It was nearly like running at a brick wall, and I made a mental note of working out more so I didn't hurt myself. I grinned - they must have their own personal trainers with the money they had.

My face became serious and I pulled away from their embrace. 'You don't have to indulge me in all this though, as much as I appreciate it. I wanted a family, that's all.'

'It's no skin off my nose... or rather, bank account.' Carlisle laughed, but his eyes were serious. 'I understand though. We love you, and we're here for you, above all. But you'll know that whatever you need is here, when you need it.'

I returned to the couch in the living room where a giant LCD tv was set up. I noticed Esme's DVD collection was varied and expansive. Carlisle had returned to his office, so I sat on the couch with Esme, despite the other seats, and watched.

It was a brilliant movie, old, but brilliant. Audrey Hepburn was gorgeous; she reminded me of Esme. I knew it was very vain of me considering the emotional and physical torture I'd been through, but it wasn't the Cullen's perfection at kindness, skill and understanding I marvelled at, it was their good looks. I felt like a broken little wheel from a child's cart next to a polished tractor tyre. Terrible comparison, but I felt so inferior; the odd one out. There was something missing. A tear slid down my face as I realised what that was; I was tarnished, unclean. And I was giving birth to a bastard that I was bringing into this family, as well and my measily old self. Esme looked down and must have noticed my puffy eyes and wet cheeks. She looked surprised; I was an expert at crying silently.

'Darling? Betha, what's the matter?'

I sniffed, feeling pathetic. 'Oh it's just... I just... I'd feel better being part of your family if I had the rest of your family's looks. Not that I'm vain,' I added hastily as she was about to say something, 'It's just I feel I don't fit in. You're all gorgeous. And another thing... I just... It's not only me you're taking in, is it?' I wrapped my arms around my stomach self consiously and looked away.

Esme was quiet for a moment, and I felt terrible, wondering if I had upset her. When she spoke, her voice was soft.

'Elisabetha Cullen.' My eyes widened - did she say _Cullen? _'Doctor Cullen and I love you very much, as you know. I don't know if you can understand, but we couldn't leave you where you were. Carlisle... after your appointment with him... I'd never seen him so angry. What that man did to you... You deserve a better life than that. He saw something in you, as did I, and you are just as worth it and beautiful as any of my other children.' Her voice was firm, but she looked and me with concern.

I looked down at my hands to find them shaking. The supressed emotions I'd felt over the past months since I'd been raped - I actually thought the word for the first time - came spilling out and I cried in huge, heaving sobs. Esme gentley pulled me onto her lap and I lay and cried as she soft stroked my hair and hushed me. I must have sat for at least fifteen minutes, not caring how loud I was because I knew they didn't. When I was reduced to small sniffs, I felt as if a great weight had been lifted from my chest. Esme whispered something, and it was only then I realised Carlisle was in the room. She slid out from underneath my head and I sat up a little.

'I'll make some tea.' She said, going to the kitchen.

Carlisle took her place on the couch and I lay, exhausted, on his lap. He rubbed my shoulder gently as I sniffed a few more times. It was over. I squeezed Carlisle's hand gently and put it to my swollen face, the coolness was welcoming. He wiped the last tear from my face and I looked up at him, smiling weakly. I drank the tea Esme brought me in huge gulps, not caring when the hot liquid stung my throat. My throat felt raspy from the salty tears, and I found it difficult to speak. I cleared my throat.'

'Carlisle?' I sounded pitiful.

'Mmmhmm?'

'Can I show you my art diary?'

He beamed. 'Of course, I'd love to see it. Well now Esme, I think this will be the first person in our house with art as their forte.' He winked, and she giggled.

I headed to my room where I'd decided to sleep on the fold out couch with some blankets, and withdrew my art diary from my schoolbag. I'd only sketched in a few pages, but I was fairly proud.

Carlisle extended a hand. 'May I?'

I nodded, and watched as he flipped through to the back. 'You don't like the front?'

I shrugged as he inspected my sketches of him (which where too vague to notice that's what they where), my drawing of a circus and a clown with razor teeth, and my watercolour. He nodded. 'I'm impressed, Betha. You're really good at this. No matter what happens, don't stop. You should do at least one a day, I'd love to see what you'd come up with.'

I smiled bashfully. 'Thanks, I will.' I yawned. 'I think I'll wait to see the others in the morning, I'm too tired. I'm sorry.'

'You can have the day off school if you want...'

'No. Thank's for the offer, but I like school. Maybe on the weekend we can do more stuff, once I'm settled in?'

He nodded. 'That's fine.'

I sat on my couch and Carlisle went to the door, shutting it and flicking off my light. 'Goodnight Elisabetha.'

I mused sleepily. 'Goodnight Doctor Carlisle... Cullen.'

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**A/n - **Please review, as I have tonnes planned for the next chapter, including -

1. The Cullen's reaction to Betha (sooner than you'd expect)  
2. The truth about the Cullens AND  
3. The truth about Brine Weston!

I will update within the week. Ciao


	5. Moppet

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**Author's Note:** M'kay, so maybe I didn't update within the week, but I still updated, didn't I? *nervous grin* In this chapter, as I promised, those things Elisabetha was subtly and subconsciously wondering about are answer (see the a/n of the end of Chapter Four – Audrey, for a list of those things). Merry (late) Christmas/January.

_As weeks went by, it showed  
That she was not fine  
They told me son, it's time  
To tell the truth  
Brick ~ Ben Folds Five_

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**Chapter Five – Moppet**

I was woken from my relatively deep sleep by the sounds of harsh voices and raspy, monitored breathing. At first I thought I was in the hospital, but then I remember watching Audrey Hepburn and I sat up abruptly, realising the rest of the Cullen's must be home. I sighed with relief to find the voices where coming from outside the room. Still, the angry tenor in the voices wasn't comforting. I expected to recognise Carlisle or Esme's voice first, and was surprised to hear Alice's rebuttal.

'… course I could see it was going to happen, but that doesn't mean I had to tell you, Rose.'

Was that Rosalie I heard so angry before? I kept listening.

'Oh, but I suppose you told your precious Jasper about Carlisle's pet!'

That remark horrified me into thinking maybe I was right about my earlier fears. It also caused more commotion among the gatherers outside my door. I very carefully and quietly lifted myself from the couch to get closer to the door, when Alice suddenly hushed everyone by asking, 'What is it, Edward?'

'She's listening.'

I froze, half standing, and looked toward the door, where there where a few inaudible whispers. Then I heard Carlisle speak in a hushed voice, and I heard light footsteps retreat downstairs. There was a knock on the door, and he asked cheerfully, 'Elisabetha, are you decent?'

'Yeah.' I croaked dryly. I was actually frightened of their reaction. It wasn't entirely unreasonable, just very left-field. I wondered if it had something to do with the fact I was pregnant, or if there where other unknown grievances. If there where, I had no clue why or what was troubling the Cullens. Carlisle opened the door a smidgen, his golden hair reflecting the light coming from behind him. I squinted in the dark.

'You should get dressed and come downstairs so we can have a little talk, okay?' He looked very nervous and an apprehensive line creased his fair brow.

I swallowed. 'Alright.'

Maybe it was bad news. Maybe this was the reason they'd had me sleeping in another house. And what of the other house? I thought they'd built it for me before their camping trip… unless they didn't know what it was for. I pulled my jeans and a black sweater on. Carlisle didn't strike me as the type of person to lie like that to his family, but maybe he'd lied to me already? I just hoped the reason was good. I slipped out the door and exhaled nervously. Carlisle straightened and looked at me with grave eyes.

'Come.'

I felt as if I was getting lead to a hearing that would decide my death.

It occurred to me later that night that if I was sharper I would have made sense, or rather, evidence, out of all the little things that seemed more obvious than the phallic imagery in the Washington monument. But as it was, the Cullen's beauty, isolation, distance, and hostility toward me when I entered the dining room was, in my muddled mind, just another reason why I didn't fit in here. They all stared at me as I walked in, all with different expression in their light honey coloured eyes. Carlisle looked apprehensive – Esme was glancing from me to him, concerned. The tall blonde who had to be Jasper was near Alice. She had a far-off look and Jasper was, thankfully, more concerned about her than my entrance. Rosalie, who hurt to look at in more than one way, looked as if she wanted to tear my throat out. Emmett, the huge thing at the end of the table had to be him, seemed as if he where trying to hide his amusement. I just wished I got the joke.

In the omnipresent white of the room I feel my head spin. All of a sudden I realise; they don't want me here because of their reputation. I'd believed Carlisle and Esme did want me there, but obviously after the rest of the Cullens and Hales came home, there was an issue. I couldn't help shake the feeling I was forever marred with the dirtiness of the bastard in my belly, but the open contempt which flowed in the room made me feel there was something more. I was surprised to see Edward, the one who had seemed genuinely kind to be before, speak with distaste.

'I'm sorry Elisabetha, but we've been keeping something from you.' I could have sworn every pair of eyes in the room shot him an alarmed warning glare, but he continued serenely. 'You see… you're causing our father a lot of… pain. I don't want to explain it for your own sake, but we'll do our best to find you suitable foster parents.'

_Carlisle? Pain?_ Oh… Oh. Now I saw. He could see through my schoolgirlish ways, the way I lingered on his every word. How desperate and sad I must look to be looking for the affections of a married man. He must have thought it was easier to get rid of me than break my little heart. 'No, I understand. I really do; and I know it's my fault. I suppose I can't help what I am… I just didn't think it would matter that much.'

Edward's eyes widened and gaped in alarm. 'She knows?' His tone was that of horror and anger. I glanced at Carlisle for his reaction to Edward, and saw something I guessed I wasn't supposed to see. For the instant before my eyes adjusted to him, Carlisle's hands where spread on the oak table, and he looked to be feeling intense pain. I also noticed his eyes where darker than the others, and he was leaning away from me, holding his breath.

Carlisle's form, however, was composed, and he shook his head calmly at his son. 'I think you can see for yourself, Edward.' His voice was thick with implications, as if Edward could pick up on my own ignorance, and most of all now, fear. I didn't particularly want him to be able to figure out that I was in love with his father. But just as I thought it, the bronze-haired beauty burst out laughing, his shoulder's shaking and Carlisle and the rest of them looked confused. I felt myself blush – it was as if he'd read my mind.

'Oh, my.' He guffawed, but was all of a sudden serious as he looked around the table, his gaze pausing on Carlisle, then back to me. I felt nauseous and dizzy from the fear. 'Oh. My.' Fear gripped his features and it rose in me. 'She doesn't know…'

Suddenly, with inhuman speed, Edward leaped across the table like a cat and smacked into Carlisle. Rosalie let out a low hiss from behind me and I gasped. It took me a moment to retain my calm and realise Edward wasn't attacking Carlisle. Rather, he was pushing him toward the doorway, and Carlisle gave little resistance.

They whispered lowly, and not even Esme dared look at me. Then, as if for my benefit, Carlisle spoke so everyone could hear.

'Yes, I'll tell her everything.'

I was gripping my chair so tightly my knuckles where white, and when I pushed it back it scraped against the linoleum floor harshly.

'No. No you don't have to tell me anything. I know what you all think of me. I know I'll never fit in here. You don't have to worry about explaining anything.' I felt the pitifyl tears well up in my eyes. 'I'll just leave.'

And I ran. None of them stopped me; yet they all looked scared as I ran past them. Maybe I was being cruel, but I 'd never felt so unwanted in my life. I ran out from the porch, into the forest and pushed branches away and tripped over ferns, trying not to fall over. I may not care for this baby, but I knew I didn't want to be as neglected as I was, even before it was born.

It was cold and dark and before I knew it, I'd come to the Sol Duc river. I sat down beside it and cried. As a kid, I'd always been sensitive to picture books that I seemed to see and self pity myself in. I remembered the book my grandmother had given my mother when she was a little girl. It was called 'When Moppet Ran Away'. The kitten, Moppet, felt her owner didn't want her, so she ran away to the woods. But the little girl, the little boy and the woodland creatures would share her cake with her, and liked her special dress, but no one wanted her. Then she fell into the lake, and she thought even the fish wouldn't want her if she drowned.

At the current moment, I was looking into my reflection, just as sorrowful and helpless as Moppet. I had wished, when I was a little girl, which like in the story when Moppet's owner found her, that my real mother would come and pick me up from the orphanage. Because none of them really wanted me, not even the Cullens. But my mother was long gone, and as I jumped into the deep, rushing water, I knew she, nor anyone else loved me enough to come and dry me off and give me a cup of cocoa, like Moppet.

I gasped and from instinct and felt the water burning my lungs as the swirling black waters pushed me under...

_I came home from school that day and happily sat by the TV Brine was watching. He seemed a little... different around me, but I guessed he wasn't used to having kids of his own. I was so glad to have someone that wanted me. He looked at me then, when I walked past him, and I didn't know what to make of it. I was put out by the... hostility? In his eyes. That night I whimpered as a hand tied something, an old tie, around my mouth, and I'd just been sleeping, and now I couldn't move. It was so dark, I couldn't see. And I was truly more frightened than I'd ever been in my life, because this isn't how it was meant to be. He only wanted me for... this. Not to be a family. He was so old too. I choked on my own muffled cries as he hit me against the cupboard above my bed and his fingers found me, rubbing me awake unwillingly..._

_Of course, I'd told the doctors, Carlisle included, that I didn't remember anything because I was half alseep then must have been hit unconscious. But I remembered everything..._

That's when hand's more chilling than the freezing water grabbed my and pulled me upward. I thought I heard Edward Cullen talk with his father. Carlisle's sobbing and keening reached my ears and I wanted nothing more, even in my own sorrow, for him to stop. But I couldn't see him, and the edges of my conciousness was fading. 'My singer... my singer...' he wailed over and over.

Edward then whispered, to both of us. 'It's alright, the pain will go away. The baby is too young Carlisle... we'll just have to see what happens. You did it for us, you can do it for her. I've seen inside her head... she loves you.' I tried to reach out and that's when I realised my limbs were crushed, and I still couldn't breathe. My heartbeat was a low gush. 'And you love her too.' He said in something that was like a denying, strained whisper. Then came the pain, and his beautiful lips.

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**a/n** - Naw Moppet made me cry as a kid. Please review. Please. And thankyou all for the story alerts and reviews - you know who you are! I mightn't, but at least you do, haha.

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	6. Singer

**a/n - **I haven't updated for so long all you good citazens have every right to shoot me. But this should be good, I hope. I don't want to drawl on over this... stage, so I'll make it a short chappie. Soweh. Please review, and thanks for the alerts!

_There is this thing that's like touching except you don't touch  
Back in the day it just went without saying at all  
All the world's history gradually dying of shock  
There is this thing it's like talking except you don't talk  
You sing  
You sing_

_~Sing - _The Dresden Dolls

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**Chapter Six - Singer**

CPOV

--

I smile, but it doesn't reach my eyes. It was an automatic smile in response to the irony of the situation – it was exactly the opposite of what happened to Bella. My son, my Edward was here with me now – Esme was the optimist, but I needed understanding and help, even if it was going to be a hard path. His gaze was concerned, and so it should be.

It had taken nearly all of them, willing and unwilling, to drag me off of her. In all my life, both human and vampire, I had never wanted anything so badly.

Claws of apprehension sink into my chest as I watch Alice and Esme check Betha's vital stats, watching the clock to check whether it was time to inject more morphine. I'm up here because I can talk to Edward not only in the softest of whispers, but in my mind. I'm also and more importantly up here because I can't watch her go through the burning agony, her heart racing and her spine rigid as she writhed in subconscious pain. When I was down there, before, I could hear her heart desperately beating; fighting the venom, and I wondered how terribly bad it was for her.

'Carlisle.' Edward's voice is hoarse. I nod, not trusting myself to speak. 'What happens now? The baby has to be only… five months old.'

'I know.' I showed him images in my mind of foetuses that were taken from their mother's wombs too early. I knew he didn't need to see, but my mind slipped to Bella last year and the moment her heart monitors stopped; her skin cold stone. 'When that happens to Betha…' I swallowed. 'The baby will die. We have no choice – we have to take it out now.'

His eyes hardened, but he nodded. 'Well… who?'

I swallowed; I could still taste her in my mouth. 'Who will do it? I'm the only one who can. Even if any of you knew how, I'd be the only one…' I knew only I could do such a delicate operation. The baby wasn't even in the third trimester. But how could I do this when I want her so much…?

Edward had silently approached my side and was looking down at the now hospital-like living room. 'Can you tell what she's thinking?' I murmured.

'She isn't in too deep yet. She knows she isn't dead, but she doesn't know what's going on.' He smiled weakly. 'She thinks you kissed her before she died, or something. All her thoughts are muddled.'

'Yes.' I put the back of my hand to my mouth and nose, breathing.

He looked at me sidelong. 'I think she loves you.'

I exhaled heavily. 'Yes, I know.'

His gaze remained even as he asked, 'Do you love her too?'

I felt myself bristle against his choice of words, and I knew it was pointless to lie to him, because I was too distraught to concentrate on anything but her for any amount of time.

'Yes. Not like I love Esme.' Our conversation had become so low that I guessed he was getting most of this from my thoughts, and the audio was for my benefit. 'When I saw her for the first time in my office, I nearly broke my toes stepping on my own foot. In that tiny room, all alone.' I shook my head. 'How hard it must have been for you.'

Edward murmured in agreement. 'You just wanted her to be yours. Sort of like… blood imprinting.'

I chuckled lowly. 'Oh, Edward. My poor Esme must never know. I do not love Betha the same way, as you can probably see. She can never know…' My voice broke on the last note. I'd never felt so ridiculous and callous.

He put his hand on my shoulder. 'You must understand; this is not your fault. You can't help feeling how you do around her.'

'No.' I mused bitterly. 'But I could help having her around in the first place, to put her in that danger.'

Edward was silent for a moment. The white light of the house made his bronze hair glow. He looked like an angel. If I could cry at this moment, I would, because I knew our conversation was over and what that entailed.

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**a/n - **I swear I'll update soon but if anyone has any ideas or requests or suggestions as to how they want Brick to be laid out or anything really, questions like are they gonna get together, whats happening with the baby, what about Esme? Etc... Anyway sorry its so short but I'm so tired and crappy of late. I tried. I love you guys. :( 3


	7. Vendetta

**a/n –** So basically this is Betha's internal monologue as she burns, thinks of her baby then wakes up. She's been through a lot, doesn't understand and is in a lot of pain, so the multiple voices in her head (asking questions, answering thoughts etc) is the sign her fragile mind is cracking, and that the physical pain is driving her over the edge. SORRY I WAS SO LONG UPDATING. Had a bit of a breakdown..ish…thing. So sorry.

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It's true I've become a skeptic  
How many couples really love  
Just wish I had a crystal ball  
To show me, if it's worth it all

Coz I can feel it, baby  
I feel like I'm falling for you  
But I'm scared to, let go  
I'm scared coz my heart has been hurt so  
Yeah I can feel it, baby  
I feel like I'm falling for you  
But I'm scared to, let go  
I'm scared coz my heart has been hurt so

And I've got to be sure  
Coz it's been so long  
And I cannot take the pain again  
If it all goes wrong

~ 'Falling For You' - Jem

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**Chapter Seven – Vendetta**

Everything was burning; everything and nothing. Perhaps wherever I wake up I'll be better, and I won't think of Buck's hands like I am now. And I maybe the life I feel will be own, instead of this strange little person that's burning with me now. I remember his face; _that _pale, beautiful face. What of it? He was close, not to my face but to my neck. Why? He loves his wife; his beautiful wife… can't be a vampire. Vampires aren't real. Then why did he bite me? Am I dead? I'm still scared, so I mustn't be. And why why why was he so close. He… bit me. Buck bit me. But I hurt less now than I did then why? It burned the same as it burned me when he tore me open… His baby. That's what's burning now. But I should be too. But I'm not… It's leaving. I can feel… feel hands. Not Buck's hands. Gentle, smooth hands. Gone. I feel, I feel better. The weight is gone from my chest. When everything stops aching, I will get my thoughts together.

I don't know how long I was unconscious or asleep, and I don't know where that line was crossed. All I knew was that the thoughts I had when I was burning were gone. I could remember what I was doing, and what they had said to make me run away. I remember Carlisle leaning in. In fact I could smell shampoo and leather, so he was probably around. I could not open my eyes. One, I was exhausted. Two, I felt an unexpected pang of worry for the fate of the unborn child in my belly.

My belly… With that thought, I ran my hands from the cotton sheets over my swollen tummy, to find it huge and bulging. What… How long had I been asleep? No, I can't have been asleep for months, because that's how big I was. It would have died, I couldn't have eaten. How long had it been? Speaking of eating I was starving, and my throat hurt, ever so slightly. My eyes flicked open.

'Elisabetha?'

My blurry vision adjusts to the colour of the room; it's my room, colourful and so different after so many black and white nightmares. He is standing there as I knew he would be, and now I know he wasn't lying. My memories of before are strong, but I feel entirely different. Highly strung. Even more highly strung when I notice the apprehensive look Carlisle is giving me. I look at the painting's I'd hung up previously; poster copies of famous artworks like the Mona Lisa and a couple of Caravaggio's. I tried to look at them as opposed to his worried face. I knew he was worried about what I remembered, or how he was going to explain everything, after my sanity had already been pushed so far.

'Carlisle. Where am I?' _Oh, what a clichéd first question you idiot, you know where you are._

He smiled that honeyed yet beautiful smile. 'How are you feeling?'

Good, I thought, nice easy questions. 'I feel… different. And I remember…'

He smile did not falter, but something switched on in his eyes, like he had to make a record of what I was about to say. I took an anxious breath and tried not to make myself panic. I wasn't really a logical person, I just wanted to know what was going on now, even if it was crazy.

'I was asleep, but not. And you…' I felt myself blush, '…looked like you were about to kiss me, but on the neck. If, that has something to do with…. What you said… before…' I didn't want to say the word vampire. I couldn't yet.

'It did.' He said shortly.

'I thought so. I believe you. I don't think I'm going crazy, don't worry. I mean I would think that, but something that happened before now.'

Carlisle's allusion of bashful worry disappeared and was replaced by serious concern. 'What? Something happened?'

I nodded. 'Yeah when… _he… _he bit me when he took me.'

He looked astonished, at the information or at my use of the word 'took' I wasn't sure. I had a bad feeling it wasn't the latter.

'He bit you?'

'Yep.' I looked at the window. It seemed to be around dusk. 'And that's not all. He hurt me but… then I must have passed out. And I don't know how long for. It was like now only, it felt like I was on fire.'

Had there been colour in Carlisle's beautiful pale and violet face, it would have drained.

I continued, 'And it felt the same now. But… it's hard to explain.'

'Go on, please.' His gentle eyes probed me.

I found a strand of black hair and twisted it distractedly in my fingers. 'He… when he… came to the end of his pleasures, it started burning. It… hurt… here' I gestured to my swollen belly with my hands, 'like, where the baby is now. Not me. Same as this time.'

His face tried to cover the confusion and shock, but I easily saw through it. Checking to see if no one was listening (and not really caring if they were) I beckoned Carlisle closer. 'Please, Carlisle. I already know half the truth. I can see you're afraid, but if it's of hurting or frightening me, please don't be. I can handle it and I need to know. Be honest with me. I'm meant to be a vampire, aren't I?'

Carlisle hesitated for only a moment, and then nodded.

Okay, so as for handling it, maybe that was a bit of a lie. I felt the bile rise in my throat and swung my legs, still weak and humanly, out of the bed and staggered to the bathroom and threw up. I felt suddenly dizzy, from standing then bending down so quickly. His arms held my shoulders and I felt him stiffen and stop breathing. I was too sick to care much, and threw up again as he held my hair. He stepped back and watched me gently as I washed my mouth then turned back to him for support.

'Weston… is… a vampire then, you think?' I asked, swallowing.

Carlisle frowned, still holding me up. 'It would appear so, but if he bit you…'

'Then I should look like you now.'

'Yes.'

I chewed my lip in thought. 'But you bit me too. Why? And wouldn't that have doubled the… venom?' I couldn't believe I was coming out with this casual talk about my vampire-baby, and my non-vampire me.

'That's what I thought. But your baby's growth hasn't been so rapid until I bit you. It's possible that… both counts of venom got the baby instead of you. Or only got some aspects of you.'

'What do you mean, some aspects?' _I briefly wondered if I had the fangs but no beauty._

He sat me back on the bed and I struggled to sit with my new round tummy.

'You look… different. You do look like me. But…' I jumped a little as his cooler fingers found my neck and I felt my hot pulse jumped at his touch. He smiled. 'You still have a heart beat.'

My eyebrows furrowed. 'You don't have a heartbeat?' I was perplexed. Everything else, the beauty and the blood, that was all okay. Having no beating heart made him seem even more supernatural, distant, and if possible, beautiful.

Carlisle smiled again, and placed my hand on his smooth neck. It was like touching soft marble, and did not carry any heat or heartbeat. My eyes widened slightly. 'Wow.' He saw the heat flood to my cheeks, and gently put me back on the bed.

'Sorry.' I mumbled. I was surprised at myself for acknowledging my reaction to him, and apparently he was too.

'What for?' His voice was soft but wary.

'I… didn't mean to um…' I trailed off, seeing Edward standing at the door. His expression toward me was that of such anxiousness I wondered if he'd known what I was talking about even if Carlisle didn't. Carlisle looked at Edward with such sorrow, and Edward nodded briskly twice. The blonde vampire did not spare me a look before he left, but I noticed that his eyes had been a darker shade.

I had no idea what I was going to say, but Edward spoke first.

'I'm sorry, Betha, for all of this.' Unlike Carlisle, he kept his distance. And unlike him he told me straight. 'You should be dead, or like us. And you aren't. This is… unnerving for a person in Carlisle's position.'

I interrupted. I couldn't not. 'And what exactly is that?' I asked.

As if he had expected my question, and knew my exact worries, Edward looked down at me gravely through his amber eyes. 'He is my father. He is Esme's husband. He is good, something our kind are not marked for. He is also… in love with you.'

I froze, my relaxed demeanour now becoming void. I felt a panic attack rising but couldn't move. Edward swooped down, putting a light arm on my shoulder. 'Please, let me explain.'

I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded.

'I merely was commenting on his bloodlust for you.' My mind flashed to all the times I'd had alone with Carlisle and my eyes widened. 'He does not love you in the conventional sense of the word but… he wants you. Your blood.' A small grin appeared on his handsome face. 'I have the ability to see the… climate of a persons thoughts.'

'You can read minds!' I blurted stupidly.

'Yes, and when he's with you its torture.'

I winced. _Damn. _'For him or for you?'

'Both.'

There was a long silence in which I drew my legs back onto the bed and covered them. It was getting cold and I wanted to slip back into sleep, even though night had just fallen. He loves me. I don't know if I love him, I've never been in love. I'm scared. What will happen. What of my baby. What about me. Will it outlive me or I it? Where is Carlisle now… I need him.

Edwards eyes flicked to mine. 'I don't know where he is, but I can guess. You're baby is a vampire. Not like other half-breeds – sorry – but its feeding from your blood as well as food and it seems by being bitten twice, the first time… with a mate, then you may… die. I'm sorry, I am. I don't know how you feel about this child as you haven't thought of it but… one of you will have to die.'

I sat there shocked. I hadn't thought about it, I didn't want it. Now I either become a murderer, or I die for my baby. My baby. I hadn't thought if it like that. Mine…

'I have to die, don't I? It will stop Carlisle's problem and I won't have to commit murder.' I said it with my face to staunch, but inside I was screaming.

Edward shook his head gravely. 'That's exactly the opposite to what Carlisle feels and… its destroying him. You… have not suffered as we have. The small ache in your throat is nothing, and probably won't need to be quenched.' His golden eyes were pleading for me to understand. 'You aren't a monster, don't you understand you don't have to take life, and the child may not either.

'I am a monster, I am a monster, I did this.' My voice was rising slightly, after the hysteria I'd been through. Edward's eyebrows furrowed and he was about to say something but I stopped him 'No. No, don't you understand? I didn't ask for this, I didn't but it's my damn fault. I could have gotten away, someone. I know I could!' Tears welled in my eyes. 'And I just lay there and let him have me, and it was too late, then he started biting me and until I met Carlisle I thought I was going insane and now I have to make this choice? Well I can't! I can't choose!'

I gripped my hair and cried as Edward patted my back, thinking of how crazy I must look.

It was all too much. Edward looked terrified as he could probably see the pool of dark, self-hating thoughts going through my head. I started pulling at my hair with my fists, my scalp smarting as I pulled thin strands of hair out bit by bit. 'I can't... I can't… I can't… I can't…'

My vision was blurry and my mouth was thick with salt water. I felt Edward seize my arms and swing my into his arms, carrying me at lightning speed to the big white house, pushing open the door with his foot and placing me on the big white sofa in front of the television. My cries must have interrupted the conversation in the next room, because I soon felt other presences in the room. I didn't care. I didn't look. I sat and I pulled at my hair, fearing that I'd totally lost any chance of calming down. My high pitched keening may have been funny, had, I not been biting my own arms and scratching at the sofa with my fingernails, refusing to get up. I huddled in a ball, scratching at my arms. The whole time hands tried to pry my arms away to protect me from myself, but I discovered I was stronger, my will and my new vigour.

I must have looked up at some point because I saw Esme's widened eyes and her hands covering her mouth. More self hate for causing her anguish. More scratches into my arms. I saw Carlisle, and if he could cry, he would. The tiny Alice was helping Edward hold my arms without success, and the blondes were nowhere in sight. I saw Bella, Edward's wife, holding their child of around ten in the other room. I couldn't bear to look at them.

'Please.'

I stopped, and Edward and Alice looked up from the fluster at Carlisle. Esme held his arm and he was staring at me with an intent I'd never seen. 'I'm causing so much trouble, and deserved to be punished. Have to stop… sound of your voice…' I muttered to him.

Esme whispered something to Carlisle and pushed him forward, coaxing him gently. He swallowed. 'Please,' in the same tone, 'please do not draw blood. Please.'

I looked down at my heavily scratched and lacerated arms, which were not quite bleeding. Edward's eyes were they only ones that didn't move from me to Carlisle, as I knew he could tell was I was thinking.

I looked up at him then down, to see my fingernails digging into the skin. I slowly released myself from my own clutches and sank exhaustedly from Edward and Alice's arms into the sofa, and whimpered.

'I'm sorry,' I whispered so lowly I'm surprised anyone heard me. 'Everything… my fault… I didn't mean… I don't know… who… what I am… Love my baby… please… don't… please…'

Esme sobbed. I was shaking so violently I bit my lip twice my accident in my recital. The beautiful, caramel-haired woman knew it. She knew and I couldn't be more sorry. But when I looked at her, I saw understanding. She knew he did not want me more than he wanted my blood. She knew, too, that I needed him. She lifted my curled foetal shape from the bed as the others watched, taking me into the master bedroom where she and Carlisle slept. The she spoke.

'Carlisle loves you, dear. I know. I know how you feel. I lost my baby, and I don't want you to lose yours, or to lose you. You may sleep here tonight and Carlisle can watch over you, hold you, I don't care. I just… I don't want to lose my husband. You, or my Carlisle.'

She hung her head, as if what she said was selfish. I found my croaky voice after a few moments. 'Esme, I love you. And I don't want you to lose Carlisle either. Please… please…' I started sobbing again. 'Please believe me.'

'I do.'

And that was enough. She placed me on the bed and I curled up to cry. In a motherly fashion, she lifted the blanket over me and beckoned Carlisle, telling Edward to 'Get Jasper.'

My wracking sobs were silent now, and the only thing holding me together was Carlisle in the room. I felt at ease because of this fact, but the fissure was so deep I couldn't move. I knew the others didn't sleep, as I could hear there conversing down stairs. Some were angry, others wary. I knew Alice and Edward were worried and concerned.

There was only a dim light from the hall, casting its shadow into the room, and by that I could see the outline of Carlisle, pressed against the wall. I couldn't tell if he had his eyes closed or not. I still couldn't move, so I spoke.

'Carlisle?'

He tilted his head upward slightly.

'Yes?'

'Please come here.'

He stepped closer to the bed. I saw his face, weary and drained from the evenings events. Before I spoke, he said something in his gentle voice. 'I trust the resilience of my wife, Betha. I know that's why you're beating yours – why you're so upset. But she is sorting things out right now. I will take care of you and your baby; all you have to do is relax. Please, get some sleep.'

'I wish I could believe you,' I croaked, 'but sleep. I can deal with sleep… if you… hold me.'

He breathed through his mouth, and I didn't know whether that made it worse or better. I knew he'd heard Esme give her allowance and although I still felt terrible about the intimacy between us, I needed him.

'Yes, I will.'

He jumped lithely onto his bed and settled himself next to me. I rolled onto my back with my large belly and snuggled into his shoulder. I am okay now.

* * *

CPOV

She smelled so good, and every part of my body was pressing against her. Every part.

I can't do this for too much longer. Our family, I can't hurt it. Or my Esme. But my Betha…

Her sobs slowly moved to tears, and tears slowly to low breaths. She wriggled around a bit to get comfortable and moulded her body to mine in an all too intimate way. Please, just don't draw blood…

My own words that echoed were true now. These lacerations… I would have to get Alice to fix them. She was stronger than I. I thought I was strong, up until now. Now I cannot tell if my lust is for only her blood, or more…

And her baby. Dear God the monster who gave her this baby…

I felt my blood boil and although I had no pulse, my agitation made my muscles taught. I cringed and groaned, as it pulled her body even further into mine.

The monster… going by the name Buck Weston. He would pay. He would die. I pressed my face into her neck possessively and growled. She stirred, and moved, snoring softly. It was like I could see everything that was going to happen. If I exacted my revenge, perhaps I could then feel safe enough to let her leave with her baby, and not have to smell or feel or hear her again. But not until that brutal bastard was dead.

* * *

I felt him next to me and my body reacted in the way I couldn't control. But I ignored that mostly. My dream of lust was replaced by a strange dilemma. I had my baby in my arms and was holding it safe. It gurgled and cooed, with its green eyes and tuft of silky blonde hair. It looked like Carlisle. How. How could it look like Carlisle... When he bit me. The venom, that must have been it. But then the baby could only belong to Esme, if it looked so much like her husband. I gave it to her then, and she and Carlisle smiled happily then. What was happening to me though?

I wasn't asleep long enough to find out when I woke up, breathing fast. That was it. I would give the child to Esme, who I knew longed for her own baby. I didn't regret the thought. I felt the empty space beside me and started when Edward burst into the room.

'Where is he… Oh no…'

'What?' I tried to sit up.

'Carlisle. He's gone. He's… he's thinking of killing Buck Weston. By himself.'

I saw Esme's shocked face appear next to Edward as she heard, and I felt the guilt rose along with my morning sickness as I ran to the bathroom.

* * *

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